He pulls me out of the bed. He lifts me –– I’m always getting’ grabbed –– he lifts me up. I’m naked, He throws me down a flight of stairs, and another flight of stairs, and my clothes come flying down. Another guy, at the foot: “Out now.”
     I said, “I gotta get dressed.”
     Another guy had the door open and he pushed me out on the sidewalk. I was pushed out, naked, and my clothes came flying out after me. I’m sitting there. To this day I don’t know if I fucked her or not – but all my friends were like, “Wow, you went home with Cher.”
     I’m like, “Yeah, and I puked all over her.”
     “Did you fuck her?”
     “I don’t know, but I puked all over her.”
     The Village. They trusted me, liked me, whatever. Eventually every bar, every coffee shop on 2nd Avenue, I was not allowed in. Every deli I bounced checks to –

86ed: You got 86’d out of a lot of places on 2nd Avenue?

Rob: Yeah. I’d walk with different girlfriends, at different times. She’d go, “Do you want to eat at Veselka?”
     “No, no, I can’t.”
     “Do you want to get pizza there?”
     “No, no, I can’t.”
     “Do you want to get a drink here?”
     “No, no, I really can’t.” I’d have to go to these tiny, really obscure places.
     One night we were really drunk, we ran out of booze. She goes, “We’ll go to the bodega to get some beer.” I look up, “Uh oh. I can’t go to the bodega, I owe them mo – bounced a check.” Then one day, I’m walking down the street, this car pulls up, and this guy with a bunch of jewelry on, a guido-looking guy, goes, “Come over.”
     I go, “What?” and he belts me. I go flying. I have to go to the emergency room. It turns out my brother had written a bad check to him for a thousand dollars.
     Rick has one where he was walking down the street on a first date with this beautiful girl and this black ‘Vette pulls up. The guy gets out and yells, “Hey Shapiro!” He turns around, and the guy belts him.
     I got a phone call from my mother. “You gotta come to the emergency room.” Rick’s lying there with his broken nose and black eye. My sister’s there and my dad. They’re all giving me dirty looks. I’m like, “What?” And they go, “You know what.”
     I was Mr. Playboy at the time. I’m like, “What happened? They beat you up?”
     Rick said, “Some guy yelled ‘Shapiro’. I thought it meant me. He thought it was you.”
     I’m like, “Who?”
     He goes, “I dunno, some guy, real big blonde guy.”
     I ask, “Black ‘Vette’?”
     He goes, “Yeah.”
     Oh shit. That was this guy Mitch. I was screwing his girlfriend. Anyway, so Rick, he got belted.

86ed: Have you ever got kicked out of anywhere while you were sober?

Rob: Oh yeah, my first three years sober. I was a mooch. I was broke. As a matter of fact, the first three months, I mugged some people. I would share at meetings: “I still stick people up, what’s wrong with me?”
     This guy was like, “OK, no more mugging. Here’s a bike chain and a bag. You have a job.” And I was a bike messenger.
     I remember I had to make a delivery to an optician-ist’s place. I go in. Nobody’s there. I go, “Hello? Hello?” I saw a wallet and a watch and I grab them and run out.
     I go back to work and he says, “You stole from blah blah blah.”
     I go, “No.” They had it on camera.
     I used to go up to where the offices were, and I’d steal a pen. Whatever I could steal I’d steal.

86ed: Let’s see, Second Avenue, anywhere Midtown? Anytime when it really unfair, like you know, it really wasn’t your fault –

Rob: Yeah, there are, there are a lot of ‘em, I don’t remember.

86ed: How ‘bout L.A.?

Rob: Oh my God, that’s a different story. I got kicked out of everywhere when I hit bottom in L.A. I was a crackhead. I just thought, “Look, I’m a nice guy.” I didn’t realize that everywhere they look at you like you are a crackhead, you know.