The ringleader of the coup, calling himself Obi Wan Kevin, announced to a US diplomat soon after that the rebel sect wanted to return to the “true word” of Jedi Masters and to “purge the franchise of control by the dark side.”  Though born Kevin Oakley in Ann Arbor, Michigan to liberal school teacher parents—and known as “The Oak” to high school peers because of his girth— Oakley quickly ascended the ranks of Star Wars fandom to control the most popular website dedicated to the series, The Dahgobar Times. Feared by many for his trenchant adherence to canonical lore, Oakley made his first headlines only a month before the coup when he issued an internet-wide fatwa, calling for the head of actor Hayden Christianson, the wooden thespian who was given the role of a young Anakin Skywalker. The FBI was preparing an indictment against Oakley for the death threats when he disappeared. He did not surface until the Tunisian coup.

Some members of the coup trickled back only days into the siege, telling of horror stories of Obi Wan Kevin’s dictatorial methods. Neophytes were often beaten while blindfolded, with Obi Wan Kevin admonishing them to “Use the force. Use the force.” Now most Americans know Obi Wan Kevin from video footage of the bearded, dirty and wild-eyed messiah on a stretcher after capture. He has since been incarcerated for five years without trial. The US Army has blocked all efforts to contact him by the press and the Oakley family. It has been rumored that the capture of Obi Wan Kevin was made possible by tips from his own lieutenants.

Yet the colony Obi Wan Kevin founded thrived and members accepted the fate of their captured leader as “just like being frozen in carbonite.”  Lucasfilm has officially washed its hands of its properties in the area, denying any knowledge of the city now christened “New Alderaan.” Attempts to confirm this story with the Tunisian government were also met with silence.  Tunisia is tight lipped about its affairs in general and the region in question is little populated, save for the Berbers and the newcomers.  Until two weeks ago initiates were arriving daily, resulting in an estimated colony of 500.