The mounting dummy's name is Monica. "It used to be Veronica, but with the dress and the stains we changed it to Monica," says Stephane Robillard, the breeding manager of Waco, Texas based farm, Arabians Ltd.. Robillard is a stocky, friendly guy who shaves his pate and wears what look to be Vuarnet sunglasses. He’s French-Canadian and discourses with a lilting Quebecois accent that I find to be a soothing contrast to all the Texas twang I've heard these last few days.

I'm attending Arabians Ltd.'s annual breeding seminar, which is held at the height of each breeding and foaling season. Attendance is limited to Arabians Ltd. clients––people who have either bought horses from the farm or have booked their mares to one of the farm's nine Straight Egyptian (or in the lingo of the business, SE) Arabian stallions.

I'll address the economics, the issues of genotype and phenotype, my involvement in this business, which will include such anecdotes as meeting the stallion nicknamed "The Flapper" and the woman who compared horses to aliens, along with semen specifics, in future write-ups. For now, let's start with semen collection, something I'm guessing many of you have done neither on your own or on behalf of someone else. If you take away the kids playing in the nearby grass (please say you will), watching Robillard collect a stallion's semen is akin to attending a masturbation seminar hosted by Good Vibrations or another collectively run sexual appliance store.