One of those friends happens to be Jay-Z himself. So you can already see the groundwork being laid for the Nets to throw everything but the kitchen sink at James. They’ll need plenty of money, because James will know that the Nets will need a big name to sell tickets, especially after the initial fan curiosity wears off. And for those of you who think James will remain loyal to his fellow Ohioans and stay in Cleveland, unfortunately, that’s just not how things work in the NBA. Marquee players go to New York, Boston, LA, or Miami, if they can. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar got sick of Milwaukee and was traded to LA. Shaquille O’Neal got sick of Orlando, and where did he go? LA. When he got sick of that, he went to Miami. Kevin Garnett left Minneapolis for Boston. All of those players went on to win titles after those relocations, but only one of them (Abdul-Jabbar) won a title with the team that drafted him. It’s just the nature of the NBA, and I don’t necessarily think it’s healthy, but that’s the way it is. LeBron James is moving, probably to New York.

(Get ready for some serious PR damage control in the coming days, if it hasn’t happened by the time this column runs. James went on to list Washington, Dallas, Los Angeles, and Akron to round out his top five. Akron, south of Cleveland, is James’ hometown; the other three have NBA franchises. I can’t wait to see how James gets out of this one. It’s already shaping up to be the biggest F-you to Cleveland since the Browns left, and James still has at least two seasons to play for the Cavaliers!)

The Nets must change their name. I understand that the Nets have a long history with that name, both in New York and New Jersey, but it is just that, history. This is a new era. Plus, “Brooklyn Nets” is not phonetically palatable. The two N’s run together, so that it sounds like one is saying “Brooklynettes,” which might be a good name for the cheerleading squad, but not pro hoops squad. (Whether the team will incorporate “New York” or “Brooklyn” in its name remains to be seen, but I think everyone knows it will be much cooler if they choose the latter.) “Why not ‘Dodgers?’” was my initial thought, but that might be a little too desperate. Why name your team after traitors? That’s like naming your daughter after an ex-wife who ran off with another man. As of now, I don’t know what the team name should be, but it should be reflective of Brooklyn, and not something pointlessly lame, and so obviously market-researched to death so as not to offend a single living soul, like “Wizards” or “Thrashers.” I’m sure Jay-Z can come up with something interesting.

There you have it. The perfect recipe for the perfect basketball storm that’s coming this way in 2009. Set your digital cameras to “sepia.”