Happy Holidays from Fanzine's new mascot, 'Old Scratch'.  Since we named one of our cats Sweetie Pie and she hasn't quite lived up to her name, for sweetness anyway (yeah she's still a cool cat though), we figured adorning a devilish Faustian moniker on this little Poodle Chihauhua mix might just be the prescription for keeping the dog whisperer away. 

Here's preacher farts! Behold, then read on...

No, but seriously, I was trying to ponder the real meaning of Christmas this morning, so I watched a movie called What Would Jesus Buy, which is about this guy Reverend Billy's crusade to get people to think about what they purchase, epecially during the holidays, and where it all comes from, and of course everything not made in America comes from Asian sweat shops according to Billy, and so Billy goes out and gets people’s attention by dressing up in a white suit and touring the country on a bus with a full hallelujah choir and stops in Walmarts and other corporate retail places and tells people to stop shopping or else! Well not really or else, but really there’s a good message there behind his manic, demagogic anti-demagoguery.  You’d think it would be a real holiday downer, like having Ian MacKaye yell at you for hours on end, but it’s not.¹

By the time he ends up in Disneyland for the coup de grace (he sneaks in donning a great Chris Penn style jump style suit and then Voila! the white suit was there all the time underneath! and there’s the choir! All draped in red, having snuck their gowns in as well ...and they march and sing, and then, oh no, he gets arrested again... but then, hey, that’s what would have happened to Jesus, right?) um... Anyway all of this just made me realize how perfectly great and phony Christmas is.  I even started loving my new eco-friendly fake tree that I moaned about last night when it was brought home already almost fully decorated and with no smell to it.

Speaking of smells, what I miss is the odorama of John Waters and his Castro street holiday Christmas specials.  Those were the shit, and what else should Christmas should be about, but people getting together and laughing (watching someone carol out of their ass or whatever).  In case you didn’t click that video about the preacher farts², go back and do it now, it’ll get your heart rate up enough that you might just go and hug someone. If you do I swear an angel will get their wings and you'll feel a lot better than/about shopping.

I guess when you are done with that you can start googling about sweat shops. They are real.

And lord if I can’t think of a better Dickensian tie in, you’ll just have to add this spiel to the long list of cynical musings that you'll hear this time of year in this fucking great Louis Armstrong/Flaming Lips kind of Wonderful World, but if I don't finish writing this and feeling guilty for whatever I do I'll never have time to finish internet shopping ... Merry Christmas, don't let the terrorists win! Shop! (but just think before you do, yeah? Right? I dunno).

_-McSCROOGE

<sup>1. I'm kidding about MacKaye...I miss Fugazi.
2. If you were instead looking for cake farts go here (but don't click if not 18 and up, kids).
3. BTW just noticed it's kind of fun to get preacher farts, cake farts and fugazi all going at the same time, don't ask why.
4. Alright that's enough internet for the day.</sup> 

KCRW's Michael Silverblatt interviews Dennis Cooper, author of many books including The Weaklings published by our own Fanzine Press, along with director Gisèle Vienne on the show Bookworm.  Vienne and Cooper for the past three years have been collaborating on a series of plays, the most recent of which, Jerk, opened this week in Paris. You can listen or download the podcast here.

There is something so soothing about that chorus in The Who's "Pictures of Lily" which captures almost-perfectly that post-orgasmic wash of calm and contentment. Bettie Page was way before my time, but the pinup girl with those archetypical black hair and sharply cut bangs has, I think, a place as a "Pictures of Bettie" kind of role. She was a sex icon who transcended time and space; for whom the terms "coquettish," "minx," "vixen," and "seething sexuality" were practically invented. Alas, she died on Thursday to pneumonia at age 85. A good run for her considering I didn't even know she was still kicking. Bettie Page—always a classic.

More nasty news from Wall Street.  50 Billion dollars in potential "liquidity" (that could bailout some automakers huh?) alledgedly went up some ladders to this guy, former NASDAQ chairman Bernard Madoff, in a Ponzi, or pyramid scheme. Funniest Ponzi schemer in film? - Howard Hesseman, Crispin Glover's reluctant friend in Rubin and Ed.

BTW: title pun comes from this song (in case you didn't get it) with Bad Brains singing about Nazis not Ponzis. Ah the joys of copywriting...

It's looking like two years in a row for Tebow and Meyer...but all isn't over yet. Yesterday was only the SEC championship, not the NCAA championship game, but it might as well have been. Florida now awaits a stab at Oklahoma after solidly beating number one ranked, and regular season undefeated Alabama at the Geogia Dome.

...against a wall! And well I have to admit my last Vikernes tidbit was probably just what he was complaining about, but hey that's indie gossip... oh well, but listen up, it's a sad fact that there is now across the board a 500 word limit for all AP think pieces (this includes reviews, interviews, etc). Think about the implications of what this means as you read all about it here from Roger Ebert (who blames the celebcult audiences and producers). Anyway, saw this link on Paddy Johnson's Art Fag City, and thought I'd share. Journalists, the work is getting squeezed more and more.

Needless to say, if you wanna write a long film review, come to Fanzine...

Hey folks, in case you were wondering where Varg Vikernes is, you know at any given moment? in a Twitter kind of way? Well now you can! You can track the Burzum black metal musician/murderer and get his exact GPS coordinates from jail! From the kitchen to the rec yard to the shower to well... how big is jail there in Norway anyhow? I don’t know, but that’s a sweet looking pic he has there on his profile page. Maybe rehabilitation works in Norway, and with their shortened sentences, heck he could be hunting me down soon for making this joke. Anyways, give him a holler. I just got on twitter myself, but basically so I can say that I am disappearing for a few days and can’t be reached. The internet is too much sometimes, but hey, no fear some new articles coming on Fanzine soon... -CM

PS- Brandon Stosuy sent me this link ths morning, and he's hosting a good metal show this weekend, so go check it if you are in New York. See the listing...